Day to day life...

is never mudane around here.  I rarely have a day (if ever) that I am sitting around bored.  This week we are having the kitchen redone..I am soooo excited about it!  It is looking so nice.  The only old kitchen things we are keeping is the floor and the range...both are only about a year old at the most.  Everything else is new...cabinets, dishwasher, microwave, fridge and paint!  I will be posting some pictures for sure.  After today's work, we will have to paint and then the installers will be back in about a week to install the countertop and sink.  Tonight is our "crazy night" as it's been come to be known.  The girls get off the school bus at 4.  By 430 we are off to ballet and gymnastics...that goes til 710.  Then its home for dinner and bedtime.  Homework gets done during the other sisters class time.  Ariel also has ballet on Monday nights.  Soccer is on Saturday for both girls.  All kinds of stuff falls in between all that stuff.  Its nice to have a busy life. 

We are thinking of getting Roxy (our almost 1 yr old Golden Retriever) a buddy.  She so enjoys having playtime when she goes to the kennel.  They say she plays nonstop with all her buddies the entire time she is there.  We have been searching "free to good home" ads and shelter websites trying to find just the right one. 

Hoping the rainy weather stays away this weekend.  We have outside fun planned both days.... Milburn Orchards for apple picking on Saturday and Sesame Place on Sunday.  Milburn is my favorite fall activity and this is the weekend that they have "big-as-your-head" Mutsu apples.  They are sooo yummy!!  Saturday is also the first Nutcracker rehersal for Ariel.  She got 2 parts this year... "Party Guest" (a much bigger role than she's had before) and Ribbon Candy (she will get to twirl a ribbon).  She is sooo excited about both parts.  This is a really big step up for her as far as the performances go.  She loves being infront of the audience and this gives her lots of exposure, so she's thrilled.  Before each performance she's been in she's said to me that she hopes the audience is really big.  That girl definately has waaaay more courage than I have when it comes to that. 

Time to prepare for "crazy night"....which is made even crazier this week by adding in a flu shot clinic during it all.  Girls will be home in less than an hour so I have much to do in prep.

Peace....as usual.

Today was my d & c.  My thoughts were so scattered while getting ready to go....anxious, scared, nervous etc.  But by the time we got to the hospital I felt calm.  Not nervous at all and ready to go.  It was good to get this step done with. Every went well with the procedure and I barely feel like anything happened.   Now we can move forward.  Healing can begin both physically (for me) and emotionally for us as a family.  We were very honest with our girls about everything concerning this.  I have always believed that was the best way.  Not to make up fairy stories to sugar coat everything but rather explain everything on an age appropriate level.  This has never come back to haunt me.  Well, except the Santa thing.....Ariel was not raised with the whole Santa story (and was taught not to ruin it for other kids).  Well, she is not happy with that decision.  She told me once when she was around 5 that she wished I "told her that lie".  lol  And she said "I am going to tell my kids about Santa".  Crazy kid--she has always kept me laughing. 

I'm not sure how I got from today was my d&c to Santa but I guess that's a good thing.  Shows me that the Lord really has given me His peace.....once again.  And I am so greatful for that!!!  That's not to say I am 100 % fine and over everything.  I'm sure there will be moments of tears from time to to but overall I have peace and Bill has peace.  And while our girls still have a few questions (like how I had surgery with out being cut...which I told them I would explain to them when they were older) I think they have peace too.  Thank you Lord for that!!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I go to the hospital for a d & c.  I am an emotional basket case.  I know ultimately I will be ok.  But for now...not so much.  I really am blank for now on what else to say. I am comforted somewhat by knowing that I have another treasure waiting for me when I get to heaven.  Just would like to ask for prayers.  That everything would go smoothly and that the recovery will be quick and good.  Thank you all.  I know you will be lifting me up.  I'll update asap.  Probably tomorrow night.  Hubby is vowing to all but strap me down and not let me lift a finger for days.  He's the best!!  So, I'm sure I'll be getting lots of internet time. 

Sorrow....

This is an emotion that I am no stranger to.  Once again, it has entered into my camp.  Today we found out that our precious little no longer has a heartbeat and has not grown from last week.  Most likely what we saw on the ultrasound last week was the end of our little ones life here with us.  When the ultrasound techs were doing the test today I could tell a definate difference in their demeanor and faces.  Last week they were laughing at how the baby kept dissapearing when I breathed in and showed us what they were looking at and at the end even gave us pictures.  This week they were very serious.  Didnt tell us anything and walked us out to the office door.  They told us they faxed a preliminary report to the Dr and we should call the Dr's office for results.  I've worked in enough Dr's offices to know that this was not sounding good.  I tried to keep upbeat but a cloud loomed over my head.  Bill told me later that he also noticed those things but didnt want to alarm me.  He's so good to me.  So I called the Dr's office and told them I felt a sense of urgency to get the results.  The Dr called me a little later to tell me the basics of what they saw and asked us to come into the office.  So we did.  She explained everything to us.  Told us what the next few steps were.  All of this helped us to understand everything and helped us to feel a little better.  The initial shock was the worst.  But we know that God's will is always the best way and if he saw fit for it to be this way then there is a good reason.  It was also really tough to tell the girls.  They took it well.  Aiyana cried a little and Ariel stuffed her emotions inside as usual (why did she have to get that trait from me??).  I think they will be fine.  They like the idea of when they get to heaven someday they will have a little sister or brother waiting there for them.  We are still up and down but God has made us such a strong team that I know we will be ok.  He will give our hearts the peace we need to get through.

Next step will be next week....I will go into the hosptial for an outpatient procedure to remove what is left there.  They will analyze it for genetic problems.  This may give us a clearer picture of what happened although the Dr feels it is probably just "one of those things".  We have already decided that we would like to try again.  The Dr feels it would be best to wait until January.  So we will listen to that advice and in the mean time we are going to both go on the South Beach diet (Dr suggested it for me.....I am on the "fluffy" side lol).  Plus I have a condition that complicates getting pregnant which would be helped greatly with a diet like South Beach because it regulates carbs/sugar.  Hubby said we will do it together and we are going to start walking every day too.  So this weekend we are going carb-crazy! because diet starts Tuesday  lol  Cracker Barrell every day!!  haha

Once again, I am so greatful to the Lord for my wonderful hubby!!  He's so amazing, caring and loving!!  I am also thankful to the Lord for His peace.  I am already starting to feel it.  Even if we are not blessed with another little one....we already have these 3 amazing kids who certainly have enough personality for 25 kids!!  lol 

For now, we are going to escape to our beach place until Monday night (kids are off school til Tuesday).  Its normally pretty relaxing there and my big sis will be down (she's 3 doors down from us).  We always manage plenty of laughs.  Hope eveyone gets a chance to relax this weekend.  Hugs to everyone!!

First day of 2nd grade

Just got back from getting the girls on the bus a few minutes ago.  I have been nervous all morning.  And I was almost in tears...they were there but I sucked them back.  This is the first time Ariel has ridden the bus to school and her first year in public school.  I gotta admit, I am a bit meloncholy.  It's hard to imagine them not having Bible class every day and chapel every Friday.  No scripture memory verse.  No "Christmas" program.  No talk of Jesus as part of the everyday routine.  But I prayed for the Lord to make a way for my girls to go to christian school and He did not see fit to do so.  So I am ok with that decision.  He has always taken such good care of us. He obviously has other plans instore for us.  I know it will be ok.  I just have to get over my mommy fears and preggo hormones.  You know as I am typing this I am realizing that in order for them to go to christian school I probably would have had to be working and me working with this pregnancy would have been really rough considering I am soooo tired most of the time. The Lord knew He was going to give us this baby blessing and He knew that I would be too tired to be working.  Another thing is this is my challenge to step up and make sure that I (and Bill too of course) am giving them the daily Bible lessons, the scripture memory verses and the daily routine Jesus talk.  I will confess that while I have certainly endorsed those things....I have probably relied too much on outside sources to get that ball rolling.  So now that the house is all quiet and I have lots of time to myself, I think that I will spend some time researching some good resources to do just that...get my girls their daily doses of Jesus.  Sounds like a worth-while challange to me.